Retail Urban Decay

WTF is Wrong with the People That Line Up at Costco?

According to their website, you can shop at Costco anytime between the hours of 10AM and 8:30PM on weekdays, and nearly as long on weekends. If you paid for the membership, and they’re open, you can shop there. No one is going to stop you. The creators of the fabulous Kirkland Signature Brand of consumer goods will welcome you, in fact.

So why do these dense motherfuckers all start queuing up at 9AM on a goddamn weekday?

I mean, I get it. Thanksgiving is two days away as I write this and these people probably waited until the last minute to do their stupid last minute Thanksgiving Day shopping, but still, DO THEY NOT HAVE JOBS?

These creeps are out of control. They’re bashing carts into one another, scrambling to get through the door and show their Membership Card to the clerk FIRST – as though you get some kind of prize for being the first asshole into the store? When there’s this many assholes shopping at Costco, ain’t no one getting in and out quickly.

Just look at these sorry fuckers. Like the End Times are near and they’ll parish if they don’t get a 5 gallon tub of Kirkland Premium Peanut Butter Pretzel snacks RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Personally, my favorite things to do at Costco are:

a) get there early

b) proceed to take my sweet ass time walking down each and every aisle because I ain’t got nowhere else I need to be

Losers. It’s not even Black Friday yet.